Boobies
Last Wednesday, I went for my annual physical (well, I had to get my shots for Thailand, so I got a "once over" while I was at it). I had my blood and urine test (cholesterol still going down, take THAT genetic disposition), a smear test, and a breast check.
The breast check was by far the most awkward part of the appointment. Lying on my back topless while my doctor got to second base with me was kind of weird. She didn't even stroke my hair first or cuddle me. The closest I got to dirty talk was "any breast disease in the family?" It was the least physically intrusive of all the tests, and yet it seemed the most intimate. What is it about tits?
Then three things happened at the weekend:
1. Belinda Emmett died
Awe man. This really upset me. And I'm not a huge fan of Rove or anything. I mean, I was like everyone else of the belief that, you know, he got shit pretty quickly. But, you know, he married her when he knew she was going to die. That's so beautiful, really. And as sick as she had been looking over the past three years, it was still a bit shock to me when she passed away. It was hard to concentrate on my Doctor Who essay, despite David Tennant's dishiness.
2. Kylie Made Her Comeback
Get it?! She's a fighter! Get it??! Get it??!!!! "Meow!" Get it!!!???
Kylie - botox, waist, bum and all - made her triumphant return to Australia's mid-size stadiums, complete with perfume and ugly Vogue cover. Now, far be it for me to bag Australia's Very Own Pop Princess, I mean, I sure don't look that good in an old Cats outfit. But I generally like my Pop Princesses to be able to at least lip sync properly if they can't sing in tune. That goes for my Rock Kings as well, actually:
3. Move over, Skeletor
Hi, I'm Sarah Murdoch. I'm rich, beautiful and in a happy relationship with Rupert Murdoch's son. And I care about things. I'm very involved in the world around me.
Eddie made some calls. He's replaced Jessica Rowe with the Patron of The McDonald Foundation, a Director of The Australian Ballet, an ambassador for The Murdoch Children's Reseach Institute, and the patron of The National Breast Cancer Foundation. She's also a mother of two (Kalan and Aidan - FFS), and a devoted wife. She obviously wants to 'give back.' She's also a Wonderbra model and Bonds Girl. Just to make Jessica feel ever so secure and not threatened at all. *NOW* I FEEL SORRY FOR SKELETOR. The depression, the laugh, the husband - nup. Sarah Murdoch? LEAVE JESSICA ALONE EDDIE! FFS! HAS SHE NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH??
Why am I blogging like a little bitch? I dunno. It seems breast cancer and high-profile Australian girls-next-door (Livvie, Jane McGrath, Janelle Kidman, Raelene Boyle, and of course, Janette Howard) are inexplicably linked...
But wait!
I'm a high-profile (stay with me) girl-next-door! I'm the quintessential girl-next-door! I'm fucking Joey Potter!
Lucky I had a breast check.
What the fuck is with this cancer man? Its its nature's way of keeping populations in check? Whats with the breasts? Is it because breasts are so... evocative? So integral to the common concept of the beautiful female form? So prevalent? Whatever it is, breast cancer is in vogue and its not going away. I'm going to continue feeling sorry for little Rove, hanging shit on The Kylie, and hating Sarah Murdoch. And I predict Bec Hewitt, Melissa Doyle or Johanna Griggs gets it next.
OK, don't ask me what this post was about. I guess its just a collection of thoughts on loosely connected stories. I'm finished Uni! OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?!
Haircut tomorrow. Yaya's Birthday today. I slept for about 15 hours straight on Monday night.
5 comments:
Happy Birthday Yaya! I love Greek grannies. Too cute.
Watching Rove carry Belinda's casket made me weep.
Poor little man. How will he ever recover? They were THE dream couple of Oz.
So sad.
I dunno... There's something about breast cancer awareness campaigns that stick in my throat. I can't quite put my finger on it, at least without offending people, but it probably has something to do with The Medical Establishment and Gender Binaries and Whatnot. But, hey, more men die from testicular cancer than women from breast cancer.
Oh, God.
Now i'm being bitchy about cancer.
You have nothing to worry about, ducks.
Jessica Rowe scares me. I hope post-school is treating you well. At least you got felt up by a doctor.
Steph - No, unfortunately my Yaya is not cute. She's borderline evil. No disrespect, of course. And the coffin? Man, did you see the footage of their bridal waltz? I bawled!
Rach - I totally know what you mean, I was trying to kind of get at that in the post, but kinda didn't. Hope post-school is treating you well too.
I hope you don't mind my surfing in.
I laughed out loud at "Lying on my back topless while my doctor got to second base with me was kind of weird. She didn't even stroke my hair first or cuddle me."
Wow! I can imagine how women feel about that -- at least the doctor was a woman, huh? It probably would have been more awkward if it was a man ... worse yet, a really good-looking man. Or maybe not! ;)
Yes, cancer sucks. I lost my beloved father-in-law to it two years ago. But life goes on ...
Of course I don't mind Dan. Glad you enjoyed it.
Yes, it would've been more awkward with a man. I used to go to a physio who was a man (complete with 'The Simpsons' ties...what a catch!) and had to take my top off a few times (bra on, thank God). I got used to it, but it wasn't the most comfortable experience.
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